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Time alone. Oh how glorious that time is... how relaxing... how rejuvenating... and how utterly INFREQUENT. But, oh, when that time does come, how I revel in it. How I relish it! How I bask in it's rare and shimmering splendor. And do you want to know what I do with this heavenly time? As of late, I have been known to lounge luxuriously in bed with whatever edible delight I happen to fancy in the moment (like really salty tortilla chips... apples with honey and cinnamon... spoonfuls of nut butter with dapples of chocolate chips... ), watching whatever the hell I want on Netflix. No Caillou fo' YOU! I might get creative and sit down to draw something worthy of a picture frame.... like a tattoo design for my uncle! I often find myself turning on my favorite music and.... CLEANING! (Wait, what? Cleaning???) It's true. You know why? Because for once, I can get really into what I'm doing and not be interrupted by little people wanting to eat or be picked up or have a fight mediated or all of those other needs that are totally valid and important, but oh so distracting when I have my hands in a toilet bowl. Plus, once a room is clean, it will actually stay clean for the entire duration of the time that I'm all by myself. On really nice, warm days,  when the flowers are blooming and white fluffy clouds are lazily drifting overhead, I will go out onto my front deck, hang up a big towel so the neighbors can't see me, and lie naked in that nourishing sunlight. This is one of the truly luxurious things that I do (though not nearly as often as I'd like) when I get time alone. As I lie there, I express gratitude for the solitude. I give thanks for all of the blessings and opportunities in my life, and affirm that I am worthy and open to receive even more. And then I eat cookies. I have had to break the habit of frantically trying to figure out what activity would be the most fulfilling to me, knowing that my time alone is limited. For awhile I would find myself pacing around the house, contemplating whether to clean, cook, watch a movie, go for a walk, paint my toenails, etc. because ideally I wanted to do all of those things, but in reality I'd have to pick and choose. In the end, I would accomplish nothing except hastily cleaning up something and then starting a movie that I wouldn't be able to finish while worrying that I'm not doing something else that I'd like doing better. Not very fulfilling. What I learned is that whatever I feel like doing most in the moment - whether it is starting an involved arts and crafts project, cleaning my house uninterrupted, or sitting on my arse the entire time watching episode after episode of American Horror Story, the fact is that it's what brings me the most joy and relaxation, and so I do it. No guilt. No regrets. Just pure, unadulterated bliss.... and cookies. So now I want to know: what do YOU do when you can do whatever you want?

Sleep deprivation. It seems rampant among parents of infants and toddlers. In our foggy, groggy, bleary-eyed quest to get more sleep, some of us feel desperate to find "the one thing" that will finally get our children to sleep through the night. One of the most controversial methods that has gotten quite a lot of attention over the past few years is the "Cry-It-Out" method. In a nutshell, you allow your baby/toddler to cry until they fall asleep. This method can enlist different variations which included intermittent comforting, or "camping out," when you stay with the child as they cry themselves to sleep. When I first read about this method - almost five years ago - I was horrified. I could not imagine leaving my daughter in her room to cry until she exhausted herself and "gave up." At one point when I was desperate for sleep (my daughter woke up every 45 minutes to an hour to nurse until she was almost a year old), I tried letting her stay in her room for 10 minutes while she cried to see if she would fall asleep. It was the longest 10 minutes of my life, and she didn't go to sleep. She actually got more and more upset until she almost threw up. I felt awful. This topic is something that I really had to research because I never followed the method and so I couldn't say 100% whether it was beneficial or not. And the truth is, there will always be those who say it works and is harmless, and others who stand firm that it will cause long-term damage. From the research I did, however, science seems to prove that it is detrimental. Did you know that children's brains grow the most during the first year of life? That all of the synapses and neurons and electrical signals that form the basis for an intelligent, independent, emotionally-balanced child form from touch? Darcia Narvaez (Professor of Psychology at the University of Notre Dame and Executive Editor of the Journal of Moral Education.) states: "DNA synthesis occurs rapidly following conception and through the first years of life. Nerve growth factor is a hormone that facilitates development. Both are promoted by TOUCH. When mothers stop touching their infants, DNA synthesis stops, growth hormone diminishes (Schaunberg, 1995). Physiologically, the baby goes into "survival mode." Our ancestors carried and held (all the time) and slept with their babies, maximizing growth." Despite what current Western belief seems to be, the more attention and touch you offer to your young children, the more independent they become later in life. By meeting the needs of your child before they become distressed, you are helping them to form a foundation of trust and positive expectation. A child who learns that their caregivers are attentive to their needs, and will nurture and soothe them and provide exactly what they're looking for at all times, will be much more confident in being independent and caring for themselves (and others) as they get older. On the contrary, babies who are left to scream and cry alone become distressed, and during the critical time when brain development is rapidly occurring, stress can do damage that may never be repaired. Cortisol, the stress hormone, is elevated when babies become distressed, and this hormone destroys neurons, which means that those vital connections made in the child's developing brain may not actually be completed. In a study conducted at the University of NorthTexas in 2011, "...5 infants aged 4 to 10 months in a five-day inpatient sleep training program, researchers monitored levels of the stress hormone cortisol in the babies, who were left to cry themselves to sleep without being soothed. The scientists measured how long the infants cried each night before they fell asleep. The mothers sat in the next room and listened to their children cry but were not permitted to go in and soothe their babies. By the third night, the babies were crying for a shorter period of time and falling asleep faster. However, the cortisol levels measured in their saliva remained high, indicating that the infants were just as "stressed" as if they had remained crying. So while the infants' internal physiological distress levels had not changed, their outward displays of that stress were extinguished by sleep training." Even as adults, we know what it feels like to need comfort during times of emotional, mental, and physical stress. Even though we are capable of self-soothing, this is not always the case, and having someone we love and trust care for us during difficult times can bring immense relief to our souls. Imagine the plight of an infant or young child who do not yet know how to self-soothe and are desperate for touch and loving connection. While I would never judge a parent for trying to figure out ways to get more rest (it's HARD not getting enough sleep!), I would implore you to reconsider using the Cry-It-Out method, at least until you do more thorough research on the potential effects on your baby. The article that made the most impact on me can be found here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out, and I would encourage you to read it and - as always - follow your first intuition. Our Resident Mom, Lindsay Lewis

Some children have their own rooms right from birth, and so are used to sleeping in their own bed, in their own space. Many other children, however, co-sleep with their parents/caregivers, whether that be in the same room or in the same bed, and when the day comes to transition to their own room, there may be challenges. When I told our family members that we co-slept with our first child, most of them responded somewhat negatively. The most common response was, "That's a bad habit to start! They're never gonna want to leave your bed!" At first I rolled my eyes, and a few times I got a little irritated, but after awhile I just had to laugh. After all, very rarely do we hear of a 15 year old who still sleeps with his/her parents. And really, if everyone involved is fine with that arrangement, who cares?? (Oh, and my daughter is now 5 1/2 and she sleeps in her own room for the most part.) Still, for many parents who share their room or bed with their children, there comes a day when they feel their child is old enough to sleep in their own room (plus, the privacy is a plus). If your child is reluctant to move to another room, what do you do? 1. Don't force it if your child seems fearful. It is more traumatizing to a child to be forced into something unknown than to gently and gradually make the transition. Listen to your child to see what it is that makes them hesitant about sleeping in their own room, and ask them what might make it feel more comfortable. 2. Try to make it fun! Use this opportunity to focus on the most awesome parts of having your own room. Let your child pick out paint, bedding, and accessories (like night-lights), and furnish the room with all of your child's favorite toys, books, and art supplies. Dream up a theme with your child if they're really into one particular thing (fairies, robots, outer space, etc) and emphasize how much fun s/he will have once their room is finished. 3. Don't bribe them. You want your child to sleep in their own room because they want to, not because they think they're going to get something if they do it. Understandably it can be so much easier to say "If you sleep in your room tonight, I'll buy you that giant Lego set you've been wanting tomorrow!" but this completely defeats the purpose of getting your child comfortable with the idea of having their own room, and it will likely backfire the next night when you don't have something quite so grand to offer as a reward. (On the same token, do not punish your child for not sleeping in their own room. I don't think an explanation is necessary as to why.) 4. Be willing to spend time in your child's room at night. Even if your child is over-the-moon excited about their new room, when night comes and it's time to go to sleep, your child may suddenly begin thinking about the fact that s/he isn't going to be in the same room as you anymore. Comfort your child and offer to stay beside him/her until they fall asleep. Read, sing, or talk softly to create a peaceful atmosphere for them. Over the course of the next few days or weeks (let's be realistic), you can begin to leave the room before your child completely falls asleep, until they are able to fall asleep on their own. 5. Spend some time in your child's room during the day, too! Show your child how much you love their new room by playing with them in it. Build with blocks, make a lego city, dress up Barbies, read, play a game.... By spending time in their own space, they will know that it isn't just a room to sleep in, but a room where everyone can come and play! Remember that your child has been used to a particular sleeping arrangement for some time, so transitioning may bring some hurdles and upsets. Try to remain calm, compassionate, and nurturing, letting them know that you understand their fears and hesitations, and that you will work through it together. Our Resident Mom, Lindsay Lewis

Over the last few years, there has been a lot of talk about "gentle discipline." For many of us, when we hear the word "discipline," punishment of some sort usually comes to mind, making "gentle discipline" sound like an oxymoron. In our quest to "mold" or "create" a well-rounded, generous, loving, well-behaved, patient (insert more positive adjectives here) human being, we will undoubtedly come across challenges that push us to our limits and may move us to dole out punishments when "bad" behavior happens, and to then overcompensate for good behavior with exaggerated praise in the hopes that our children will vie for our affection through more good behavior. Let's be real though: childrens' brains and bodies are very different - and work very differently - than adults' do. And what this means is that the real challenge is helping to guide (not control) our children towards positive behavior and independence by allowing them to make their own choices. We also need to allow them to feel their emotions, and be willing to take the time to sit with them to help process those emotions in a loving, compassionate manner so that they can eventually learn how to process them on their own. When a child "acts-out," it is easy to first warn them to change their behavior, and then - if the behavior continues - to punish them. Punishing is a rather loose term because every parent defines punishment differently. Some spank, some send the child to their room, some give "time outs," some take away priveleges, etc. The perplexing thing is that we would never "punish" a fellow adult in this way, so why a child? While it seems to many of us that this system of "guidance" should work, the reality is that it only teaches children that they are loved as long as they obey their parents. Obviously this is not the kind of message that we would ever want to convey to our children, but it is the message they receive nonetheless. If you want your child to be true to themselves, and to be their True Self, then you have to commit to identifying what your child's needs are, and to working in harmony with your child to get his/her needs met. If a child is "acting-out," most likely it is because they have a need that isn't being met. Perhaps they're tired, hungry, lonely, over-stimulated, under-stimulated, feeling unwell, frustrated, etc. Think about how these things effect your mood, and then realize that children feel things on a much larger scale because they haven't yet learned how to process and deal with these emotions. Rebecca English, author of the article "'Gentle parenting' explainer: no rewards, no punnishments(sic), no misbehaving kids" has outlined this approach perfectly in the following examples: "There are many websites and groups that can help you to practise this parenting approach. Here are a few steps that parents take to encourage a partnership with their children: They start from a place of connection and believe that all behaviour stems from how connected the child is with their caregivers. They give choices not commands (“would you like to brush your teeth before or after you put on your pyjamas?”). They take a playful approach. They might use playfulness to clean up (“let’s make a game of packing up these toys”) or to diffuse tension (having a playful pillow fight). They allow feelings to run their course. Rather than saying “shoosh”, or yelling “stop!”, parents actively listen to crying. They may say, “you have a lot of strong feelings about [situation]”. They describe the behaviour, not the child. So, rather than labelling a child as naughty or nice, they will explain the way actions make them feel. For example, “I get so frustrated cleaning crumbs off the couch.” They negotiate limits where possible. If it’s time to leave the park, they might ask, “How many more minutes/swings before we leave?” However, they can be flexible and reserve “no” for situations that can hurt the child (such as running on the road or touching the hot plate) or others (including pets). They might say: “Hitting me/your sister/pulling the dog’s tail hurts, I won’t let you do that.” They treat their children as partners in the family. A partnership means that the child is invited to help make decisions and to be included in the household tasks. Parents apologise when they get it wrong. They will not do forced affection. When Uncle Ray wants to hug your child and s/he says no, then the child gets to say what happens to their body. They also don’t force please or thank you. They trust their children. What you might think of as “bad” behaviour is seen as the sign of an unmet need. They take parental time-outs when needed. Before they crack, they step away, take a breath and regain their composure." As you can see, "gentle discipline" does not mean letting your child do whatever they want whenever they want without consequences. On the contrary, gentle discipline allows children to make their own decisions in a safe and nurturing environment, and to see for themselves the consequences of their decisions, whether they be positive or negative. This also gives the child a sense of security, of unconditional love from their caregivers, and confidence by allowing them to do what feels right for them. It can be hard to give up "control" and simply let your child(ren) navigate their world the way they need to, but I have found that by letting go more often, my children are moving towards the very things I always hoped they would, and thensome. Our Resident Mom, Lindsay Lewis

I am a mother of two young daughters. I am a daughter. I am a wife. I am a domestic Goddess. I am a start-up farmer. I am a customer service representative. I am responsible for a variety of tasks on a daily basis that help meet the needs of all the living creatures, big and small, inside of, outside of,  and around our household. I seem to play quite a few different roles in life, and while I graciously accept each one and carry it out to the best of my abilities, there comes a time when I feel so absolutely exhausted and drained that I forget about the most important role... ME. I am ME. I am a person with individual needs, desires, likes and dislikes, and I have my own ways of regrouping when I'm feeling tapped out and overwhelmed. It has taken me a really long time to be okay with taking care of myself, but I've finally realized that if I do not allow myself the time and space to relax, re-center, and do the things that I enjoy doing on my own, I will become angry, irritable, depressed, distant, and/or resentful. And it's nobody's fault except my own. Despite the fact that women's and men's equality has come a long way from where it once was, there is no denying that women are naturally considered to be the nurturers; the caregivers; the emotional ones. I think it's beautiful, and powerful, and frustrating as hell all at the same time, but I also think (no... I KNOW) that these parts of ourselves can help to cultivate some truly strong and loving relationships as long as we pay attention to our needs. For instance, I am a highly sensitive person, and I need a lot of time alone. Now, I'm sure some of you just chuckled, or perhaps guffawed out loud, or are thinking, "Don't we all?!" And if you did, I totally understand that response! If you have children, "alone time" is something that often seems to be a daydream wrapped inside of a bubble  being hurtled through space as far away from you as inhumanly possible..... yeah. Regardless of how distant the idea of taking care of yourself may be, the fact is that you have to consciously make the effort to tend to yourself, or else you aren't likely to get many opportunities to do so. What kind of atmosphere do you need to recharge? For me, I need to be completely alone. I don't want to hear the kids yelling or crying or laughing or bouncing off the walls; I don't want to hear the lawnmower going or the dishwasher running; I want to have the house to myself, or be outside alone, to do what I want and know that I will not be interrupted or disturbed. Sometimes, if it just doesn't work out to where my husband can take the girls out, I will lock the door to our bedroom, turn on some music or a movie, and do my best to ignore the goings-on outside of my little space bubble. Think about what atmosphere you need to breathe, and recharge, and then try to create that space for yourself as often as you can. What do you love to do? If you had a few hours alone to do whatever you wanted, what would you do? What are you passionate about that perhaps you don't get to spend much time doing? Gardening? Meeting up with a good friend for some adult conversation? Eating something awesome that you don't have to share while watching a movie that you'd be embarassed about if anyone else knew you were watching it? When you get the chance to do what you want, DO IT. What brings you peace? There are so many different activities that bring people peace, and it took me awhile to figure out which activities gifted me the most relaxation and inspiration. I like writing, sewing, and walking outside, but you may find the stroke of a paintbrush, your hands in the soil, or the smell of the amazing homemade baked goods that you whipped up (and that you totally want to send me) sets your spirit free! Take time out each day for self-care. This may seem easier said than done, especially if you're raising children or have a really hectic work schedule, but even taking 15 minutes out of your day to check in with yourself and identify what your needs are can make a world of difference in regards to your attitude throughout the day. Getting up 30 minutes earlier each morning, before the rest of the household awakens, allows you to create a morning ritual of intention and self-love that can help you start your day on the right foot. Make yourself a cup of hot tea or coffee, watch the sunrise, smudge, do some yoga or deep breathing exercises... whatever makes you feel alive and joyful, do that. If for some reason you aren't able to create this space in the morning, try to carve out time in the afternoon or evening to unwind and tend to your needs. It needn't be a complicated routine, just something for YOU and only you. Self-care (Self-LOVE) is crucial for every human being. We often feel as though we aren't deserving of having our needs met, or that we can't tend to ourselves until everyone else around us is happy, but these assumptions are wrong and completely draining. Please make time to care for your body, mind, and soul, and see what a difference it makes in your life, as well as the lives of those around you! Do you have a self-care routine? What is it? How do you make time to recharge? - Our Resident Mom, Lindsay Lewis