Posted on September 10 2015
Do you remember how you and your partner were before you had children? Did you go out regularly? Did you talk deep into the night? Was your romance spontaneous, passion-filled, and... regular? There is no denying that bringing a child into your life will change your relationship with your partner in some way. Not only have you chosen to devote much of your time and attention to this new Life, but the hormonal shifts that happen during pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum can have a huge impact on your desire for intimacy. Even so, it is important that you and your partner make time to be with one another without children present, so that you can re-connect and begin to re-cultivate your relationship. Understand that this does not mean that your time together has to involve sex (although it certainly can if you're ready for it)! Many women do not crave sexual connection for months, even years after childbirth due to decreased levels of estrogen and testosterone and increased levels of prolactin (especially if they are breastfeeding), which reduce libido. So what do you do to re-kindle the flame? Try to make a regular date night. Set up a flexible schedule with someone you know and trust who can come and watch your baby for a couple of hours once every week or so to give you and your partner the time you need (and deserve) to connect. Understandably it can be hard to leave your baby with someone for the first time. Realize that there is no specific timeframe for when to begin implementing date nights into your life, so if you feel at some point that you aren't ready, don't force yourself. If it makes you feel too afraid or emotional to do so, then be okay with that and try again at a later date. After all, the point of date night is to relax and enjoy yourself! The first few times you go out, you do not have to venture too far from home. Take a walk around your neighborhood, sit and talk at your local coffee shop or park, or even just hang out in your own backyard while your baby and caregiver bond inside. If you are comfortable leaving for longer periods of time, go see a movie, have a leisure dinner at your favorite restaurant, or visit an attraction you've been longing to see. There are no rules for date night! When the time comes where you would like to be intimate, try to arrange for your baby's caregiver to take him/her out for a little while so you can stay home and settle in to familiar surroundings. Breathe in the gratitidue for being given this time to bond with your loving partner, and breathe out your intentions to create a stronger, more unified connection. Do you and your partner go out regularly? What do you do? How long after having your child(ren) did you feel comfortable leaving for a couple of hours?